


wounded

by cubedcoffeecake



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Book XII: The Hanged Man (The Arcana), Domestic Fluff, Flashbacks, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), Julian Devorak's Route Spoilers, Nightmares, Nonbinary Apprentice (The Arcana), Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:55:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24846415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cubedcoffeecake/pseuds/cubedcoffeecake
Summary: They had died, and gotten a second life. Getting to have it with Julian… that was just too good to be real.
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak
Kudos: 14





	wounded

There were people shoving into them from all sides. It was so, so loud. Too much noise, too much movement, too many colors, too many smells… their senses were bombarded and they felt the overwhelming urge to run back to the shop and lock the door; safe from the tumult behind the strong wood and intricate spellwork.

But no—a vibrant red managed to catch their attention and hold it. Far ahead and up above the crowd, on the platform…  _ no _ .

The barrage of sensations whited out to nothing but a buzzing in their ears as they realized with a sudden clarity that it was Julian's coat they had locked sight on.

He spread his arms wide and addressed the crowd, but Lucky couldn't hear a word he said. All they could feel was the way their stomach burned and twisted; their heart pounded like it was trying to break free and make its way over to him; their eyes burned; how they tried to reach out toward him but their muscles had no strength left in them.

They watched him finish his address and step into the loop of rope.

They couldn't breathe.

The executioner pulled the lever and Julian disappeared from sight. The wind caught his curls as he fell.

Lucky felt like they were dying, too.

Blurs of people began to drift away from the gallows toward the palace, leaving Lucky standing alone in the wide courtyard.

They couldn't move. Couldn't take their eyes away from the spot where he had been standing. Please, please no, he couldn't… He couldn't be gone. He couldn't leave them. Please, Julian couldn't be….

How long had they stayed in the same district of Vesuvia? How much time spent in the same shop? How many years had they contented themselves with the life they had, never daring to reach for more; thankful for what Asra had given them and not daring to hope for more, some deep conviction whispering that they should just be grateful they had gotten to have this much?

It made sense now. They had died, and gotten a second life. Getting to have it with Julian… that was just too good to be real.

His laugh, his smile, his careful hands. The light in his eyes when he teased Portia. His bashful grin after they called him out for putting their wellbeing before his own. The love he had for anyone disadvantaged, or in need of help. The love he had for Lucky.

They had asked for too much. Every whisper from their heart was proven right. Be grateful for what you have, treasure what you've been given, stop reaching, stop aching, you don't get to have—

Shrill cawing broke through the buzzing in their ears and Lucky drew in a gasp as they raised their eyes to the blinding sun, just able to make out a circle of black birds circling above the gallows.

Lucky  _ s c r e a m e d _ .

The tears began to flow as their knees gave out—

* * *

but their knees never hit the ground.

"Lucky, darling, listen to me, listen to me—there we go, that's it love, can you hear me?"

It was dark, and they were disoriented, but Julian was wrapped around them and their head was tucked into his shoulder and he was  _ alive _ . Lucky reached their arms around him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and finding their strength was back.

"Oh love, it was just a nightmare. You're with me, it's over, you're here. I want you to take some deep breaths with me. Okay?"

Lucky tightened their grip as he took an exaggeratedly deep breath, chest expanding against theirs so they could easily feel the movement. It took several inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale—but they found their breathing settling out to match Julian's.

"I love you," they murmured into his shoulder.

Julian's eye widened in the dark. A moment later the words fully sunk in and he felt a flutter in his stomach like he did every time they expressed that sentiment. He pulled Lucky to fit more snugly against his body, whispering the words back and relishing in this opportunity to offer them comfort like they so often gave him.

They did love him. So much. Not for what he gave them, but because he gave it. He was so kind. So lovely. So  _ good _ . They were so so lucky to get to wake up to him. To get to find comfort in his embrace.

There were some demons he couldn't shield them from, though. Lucky was intimately familiar by now with the quivering feeling—the bone-deep terror warning them that they wouldn't get to keep this. The urge to run back to the shop and hide in the familiar; the unambitious; the known.

But they weren't going to.

Lucky pressed a kiss to Julian's neck and hugged him closer.

Maybe it really was the magic of this new body warning them of their limits. Maybe it was just their own fear. But either way, they had chosen Julian, and he had chosen them. Whether they should or not, they were not going to let him go.

...Telling themselves that didn't make the images of their nightmare fade, though. Lucky lay awake long after Julian had drifted back to sleep, anchoring their mind in the rocking of the ship.

They steadfastly ignored the shrieking of death birds that rang in their ears whenever the world was still.

**Author's Note:**

> This work came out of listening to Wounded by Kevin MacLeod on repeat for about an hour. That's the background piece from the scene where Julian is hanged, and I got... a little emotional.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


End file.
